i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
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Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
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Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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