Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize