i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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