My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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