We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
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Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
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speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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