Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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