Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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