So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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