I just made out with a guy for $7.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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