I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
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You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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