brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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