How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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