they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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