This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
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We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
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Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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