can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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