so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
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The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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