ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
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you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
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When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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