she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
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constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
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I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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