oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize