i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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