I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I am available for nakedness
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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