I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize