do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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