So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize