My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
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Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
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Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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