My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize