Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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