I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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