My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize