i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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