Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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