I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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