Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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