i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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