I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You can't just leave with hair like that
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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