I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
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Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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