I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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