I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
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