He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize