evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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