i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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