You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
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I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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