i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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