He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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