literally had 100 drinks last night.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
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I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
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There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize