Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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