Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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