Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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