so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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