My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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